I finally finished the first draft of the result chapter. It is then I realised I have so much data and the tricky part is to know what to include and what not, which is what I have been struggling with. So I ended up writing all the human-sea turtle interactions, including the local involvement and opinion regarding each interaction. Sometimes I wonder if I had taken too much time writing the first draft of the result chapter but I guess it is a learning process. I traced back my photo album (as I randomly take photo of my writing progress from time to time) and I realised I started writing in July. Seven months for a first draft of a chapter. By hook or crook, I am going to finish this.
Everyday I’m dissertatin’ and writing word after word, paragraph after paragraph, the draft slowly forms. I’m down with the last interaction of the Result Chapter – “Sea Turtles in Tourism”. As usual, I got stuck again. I spent the whole day today staring at that heading and only managed to write 100 words. I find it helpful to know what to write first. This is what takes up the most time. Sometimes it also helps to just write and figure out the what goes where later. Almost there, almost there!!
Three days late to write a note of what was good in week two of the new year…
The first best news was our new paper titled “To Ban or Not to Ban? Reviewing an Ongoing Dilemma on Sea Turtle Egg Trade in Terengganu, Malaysia” has been published the Frontiers in Marine Science!! Three years plus of persistent writing finally paid off!
The second best moment was meeting Aqilah, my degree course mate, who is also a lecturer at UMT. She is one of the very few who understand the PhD journey. It is always motivating and assuring to share my ups and downs with her. When I think I am doomed, she gives me advises that not all is doomed. We rarely meet but every time we meet up, it has been a good conversation. And we understand that cats that live with us are families, not just animals. Thanks for your kind words and support.
Recently I realised that if I force myself to write, eventually there will be something on the draft. Sometimes I could not figure out what to write or how to go about it and it is easier to take a break and not think about it. However, if I keep thinking about it, I will eventually figure it out.
Yesterday, I started the section titled “Sea Turtle Egg Collectors, Sellers and Middlemen”. Then I got stuck. Surprisingly, I managed to put words down eventually and rearrange the structure. I had breaks in between to visit Fifi’s grave and go for Zumba. Usually I like to wind down the day with something more relaxing and does not require any critical thinking – watching movies or reading a book. But yesterday I decided to continue writing until I feel tired. At one point, my brain felt saturated so I stopped. I tried to sleep but it was past 4am and I was still awake. I thought I would start the next day late but Farah called and that woke me up. Today I continued writing on the section I had started yesterday. Ta da, it was done by 3.40pm. This means I had finished writing one of the interactions titled “Sea Turtle Eggs as a Traded Commodity”.
The next interaction listed on my draft is “Sea Turtles in Conservation”. As usual, I already feel that it is daunting as I don’t know where to begin. Writing is hard because I am sure this will not be the final version. There will be more corrections, rewriting and restructuring. I wish I know of a better way to write faster. My aim is to finish the results chapter before Chinese New Year.
After the fun part of collecting data, it is time to transcribe the interviews before I could start any data analysis. I never knew that I dread transcribing to the point that I simply hate it, like no kidding. It is that bad. Probably because it feels funny to listen to my own voice. Besides, it is frustrating to keep rewinding in order to capture some words and understand the context correctly. Obviously, I understood the conversation during the interview, but for some reasons, it sometimes sounds unclear over the recording.
I am guilty of procrastination. I would find something else to do, as long as I don’t have to transcribe. But then it also means I am not progressing towards completing my study. Deep down, I know damn well that the interviews have to be transcribed eventually. I had also underestimated how time-consuming transcribing is. In short, I just have to do it, no matter how much I do not feel like doing it, or no matter how long it will take.
When I read about the Pomodoro technique, I became intrigued to see if it would help me to just start and keep transcribing until I finish it. Pomodoro is, simply put, working 25-minute on a task, uninterrupted. So set the alarm for 25 minutes and spend the entire pomodoro time on the task you set out to do until the 25 minutes is up. Then take a 5-minute break before another round of pomodoro. After completing four pomodoros, it is time for a longer 20- to 30-minute break.
Professionally, a one-hour interview takes between 4-9 hours to transcribe. Of course, how long it takes depend on many factors like the number of speakers and audio quality. In my interviews, there were at least 3 speakers, and sometimes up to 7 speakers. Therefore it takes multiple attempts to listen to the recording over and over, especially when everyone was talking at the same time. Still, I wanted to know roughly how longer it will take me to finish transcribing all my interviews. One month? Two months? So I started to time myself. I tried the Pomodoro technique. Surprisingly, I didn’t want to stop even though 25 minutes was up. But I still took a break, which often ended up being more than 5 minutes. I did it for a few times, but later decided to push one pomodoro to over 25 minutes.
Now, on average I can transcribe about 40 plus minutes before taking a break. The longest time I managed to stay put was 102 minutes. But it happened only once, more like a marathon final sprint to just finish the last part of the recording. So I need 14-20 minutes to transcribe a 1-min interview, which means to complete a one-hour interview, it will take between 13-21 hours over 1-5 days with plenty of breaks in between. So instead of setting 25-minutes for one pomodoro, I set a goal to complete two minutes of interview every pomodoro, even if it takes more than 25 minutes. Once I complete two minutes of interview, I try to push further before taking a break because once I take a break, it is never 5 minutes, ever.
My transcribing productivity is far behind the professional standard, but I am slowly, slowly progressing towards completion. Perhaps and hopefully with practice, transcribing gets easier and faster. As for now, just keep on transcribing. One pomodoro, two pomodoros, three pomodoros…until I finish them all.
I thought it would be a leisure and relaxing day to go to Long Beach today. Lala was getting a boat back to mainland while Meena was supposed to meet her supervisor. Meena only found out later that her supervisor got the dates wrong and he would only arrive the next day. Thank God, Lala’s departure was smooth. Our plan was to snorkel after Lala left. Least did we expect a boatman informing us about a dead turtle. He saw us arriving on SEATRU’s boat. They had brought the turtle back. When he showed us, it was a hawksbill, still in the juvenile stage. So we brought the turtle to Laguna’s dive center. However, they did not have facility and tools to perform a necropsy, not even a measurement tape to take measurements!
We waited until the tourists left the dive center. Then we started checking on the turtle. There was no external injuries but blood was dripping out from its mouth. I tried to open the mouth but couldn’t. We measured the turtle using a rope and marked it using a masking tape. Before we left, we kept the hawksbill in a black plastic bag so that we could pass it to Mann from SEATRU. We went snorkelling after since we still have about one and a half hour to two hours to spare.
When we first entered the water, visibility was bad. As we swam further out, the visibility got better. We saw at least 4 baby sharks swimming around. So beautiful! We snorkelled at the other side after that, which had more boulder corals. We swam out until we found the underwater postbox. To the right, there was a big group of fusiliers. There were just so many of them!!
We left at about 2pm. We slowly walked back to Laguna Jetty. On the way we took many photos. While waiting for Mann, Asma tried to get in touch with Marine Park officer regarding picking up the dead turtle. Since we didn’t hear back from them, we left when Mann came. On our way to Tarras Jetty, Asma called and said Marine Park officer was going to pick the turtle up. After speaking to them again, it was decided to hand it over to SEATRU. They would do external examination and take measurements, but not performing a necropsy.
We were dropped off at Tarras Jetty. On our way walking back, Asmadi’s boy drove past and gave us a lift back. We went for a birthday party after shower. Giulia and Jurita came later. About the same time we started speaking to the father of the family, who is looking after the hatchery under Marine Park. By the end of the day, it felt like so much had happened in one day.
I am finally here, after all the time of postponing the trip to Redang Island. Everything happens for a reason, I supposed. I could have been here on my own if I had come earlier. Now there are three of us – Meena, who is a TROPIMUNDU masters students, and Lala, my friend who is here to help Meena with translation.
Although I have been to Redang village a couple times, it is still a foreign place. We are renting a room at Asmadi Guest House for a month. The village is not by the beach, therefore it doesn’t feel like I’m living on an island. Interestingly, there are sheep, goats and cows everywhere. It is almost impossible to avoid their droppings that are literally everywhere!
We went to the nearest beach (Teluk Dalam) on our first day, which is about 10-15 minutes walk from our guest house. Teluk Dalam is also known as Turtle Bay as there is where people snorkel with turtles. Here, they feed the turtles so that they come closer so that humans can touch them. I am not very certain if feeding is good or bad to the turtles. We did see a turtle swimming away as a snorkel guide approached it with food. There were also some that swam towards the guide for food. It was during times that they were feeding that the tourists got to touch the turtles. There were quite a few individuals there. We saw at least four individuals, one with a tag on its left flipper (5756). However, we didn’t know which one was the famous JoJo!
On our second day, we started mapping the village by counting the number of houses. We counted 242, however some told us there are about 260+ houses here. They are also building about 160 new apartments for the second generation. Every house has more than one household, some up to four households. The village is relatively big. People usually ride a motorbike or bicycle. However, neither of us could ride a motorbike. I tried a scooter for the first time and it felt scary. I wasn’t sure if I could balance the motorbike.
Asmadi also invited us on a snorkel tour. It was definitely one of the best ones I have ever been at Redang. We went to four places, Turtle Bay, Long Beach, marine park and another site next to marine park. At all places (except Turtle Bay), we were the only boat there. We were the only ones in the water. Everything felt so calm and peaceful. We saw quite a lot – green turtles (a male with two tags), black tip reef sharks, boxfish, squids, moral eel, filefish, etc.
For the following days, our routine has been the same. Apparently none of us are a morning person. We stay up quite late, sometimes past 2am so we did not wake up until past 9 or 10am. Our visit to local houses usually began at around noon. We would walk around the village and interview anyone who happens to be sitting outside their house. The villagers have been very friendly and welcoming. Some even offered us drinks and food. In the beginning, we managed to go to three houses and now we could interview six houses a day. Most of them are not at home during the day.
We also met Giulia, an English Teacher working for SOLS. She teaches local kids and adults English every day, except the weekend. We met up once for dinner near the jetty. The jetty area is more happening than any other places in the village. A lot of local people hang out there. It is far from the village and not within walking distance, otherwise we would like to hang out there more often. We also met a few Chinese uncles who are working on a construction project in the village. They stay near our guest house and have been here for five years!!
Apart from swimming with turtles at Turtle Bay (as it reminds me so much of my time working at Perhentian), one of the most memorable moments was learning silat. A family invited us to watch silat in the evening. Meena was really interested to learn and I thought, well might as well learn together as I know I would never learn it if I were on my own. It was hilarious as they taught us using mainly in Malay and some English. It was a good experience, however I doubt if I could actually learn everything in less than a month.
Today is our 10th day here and time really does flies by quickly. As the days passed, we met more villagers and made more friends. I believe by the time we have to leave, we would feel sad to go.
A PhD study often feels overwhelmed with the workload. So much to do, lots more to read, and even more challenging to write. Throughout this journey, I occasionally receive motivation, sharing from people who had walked the journey. Everyone’s journey is different, full with different challenges and excitements. Here are a few pieces of advice, which I find really helpful in getting me through the down or stagnant moments in this journey.
1. Life is a struggle
There are always challenges in whatever you do in life. Nothing in life comes easily. You face different difficulties when you study, when you work, when you get married, etc. Doing a PhD has its hardship too. When you feel that what you do is hard, remember that even if you are working, there are things that you will find hard as well. Once you decide to take up a PhD, face the challenges and learn to deal with them. But if a PhD is not what you are looking for, then do something else. Either way there will be struggles.
Everyone has a different best time to write. Some find it best to write in the morning whereas some prefer to do it at night or even after midnight. It is important to find your best time to write. No matter what, write something during that time. Even just a little but do it every day. This helps so that you don’t feel the need to sit in front of the laptop the whole day, which is not so productive since you can’t write the whole time anyway. It is okay to do other stuff at times other than your writing time. I need to start adopting this. I don’t know what is my best time to write but I am a noctural person who feels more awake at night then in the morning. My writing motivation is driven by the task on hand, rather than writing at a specific time. Say if I have an assignment to finish, all I do is write that piece of assignment when I am awake until I finish the assignment. The only time when I’m not writing is when I am eating, taking a shower or sleeping. Knowing my best time to write would help so that I don’t feel like a zombie and totally burned out by the end of it.
3. Find your best place to write
Not only that, it is also equally important to look for the best place to write. Surprisingly, writing in a cafe or fast food restaurant like Mc’Donald works perfectly for some people. Some people need to write in places where it is quiet such as in a library. Believe it or not, home may not always be the best place to write since you can always find something to do at home. It is easy to stop writing and start doing house chores. I have yet to find my best place to write but I can write just fine at home once the momentum is there. Just that I can’t do transcribing at home. I tend to stop after transcribing a few lines and start doing something else – surf the net, watch movie, get some snacks or play the piano – which is why it takes days for me to transcribe one interview. So far I found it productive to transcribe in the postgraduate room or library where there are people around (but not noisy). I guess it is the sense of “yay, I am also doing my work” that prevents me from doing any other thing except transcribing.
4. Always bring a notebook (and don’t forget a pen too!)
I have this habit when I work. A notebook is like my life. Out of the blue, even during lunch, there is always something important to remember. I would never leave the house without my notebook. As a PhD student, I carry a notebook too but not as often as I should. Since I use a voice recorder for my data collection, I start to record conversation, as well as any thoughts that come to my mind. I find it easier than writing on a notebook but listening to the recording after that takes time. I use both – a notebook (mostly) and a voice recorder, depending on what I am trying to record. Funny thing with ideas is they often appear when you least expect them to. When I am sitting on a desk with a laptop and a notebook, all I sometimes do is stare at the notebook. Nothing comes. But say, I am driving or playing the piano, suddenly something would come to the mind. Mostly it happens when I am half-asleep, or maybe half-awake and “ting!” the idea comes. If I don’t write or record it down, I sometimes don’t remember it again after. So yes, always bring a notebook (or recorder) as you never know when you need it!
I always feel the struggle while trying to understand my conceptual framework, to figure out my research methodologies, to improve my interview skills, to make sense of my data. Not easy. But then I realised it has also never been easy while I was working. My supervisor once said, the easy way out is to quit. Rather true. No matter how tough it is, quitting is the easiest solution. It is okay to make mistakes since PhD is all about learning and discovering new things. Nothing about these two is easy. It will always feel difficult and frustrating until you get it right. As long as you keep progressing, eventually you will reach the destination.
PhD is my Disneyland. It is a goal to finish it, but yes, how much longer? Am I there yet?
Along the journey, I discover that I am a novice in social science research, who often feel that I lack the skills and experience to do interview-based research. As I transcribe the interviews, I can see what went wrong with the way I phrase my questions as well as when I asked the questions. It bothers me because then I think, shit, will I be able to eventually get it right and gather the information I need?
After watching this video, I realised that I feel like that because I focus so much on the goal that I missed out on the values I gain throughout the journey. What went wrong in the initial data collection provides an opportunity to learn and improve. The more interviews I did, the more I get to practise and improve. I learn not to interrupt or ‘fill in the blanks’ to their answers. I learn to phrase open-ended questions to understand the meaning of their words. I learn to keep my conservation views to myself and not to have any preconceptions about their conservation perspectives. It did not occur to me how much I have learned from just doing the research as I am too occupied worrying when I will complete the study.
I am the kind of person who needs a fixed structure, following guidelines of how to do (which is why I like reading step-by-step instructions). But then there is no direct step-by-step guideline in conducting in-dept interviews. It is not like using a washing machine; first, I press the on/off button, then I choose the programme (speedy, water level, etc), pour in washing powder/liquid and click start. Voila, it starts washing my clothes. All I do the next time is repeat the same steps.
However, qualitative research using interviews is not like running a washing machine or any other machines. When the machine does not work, then something is wrong, and there will be no data. When that happens, I need to set it right, e.g. setting the parameters to ensure that the machine runs accordingly. Well, it is just not like that in research involving humans where nothing is really under control.
Since I am not doing questionnaire surveys, my questions are not fixed, meaning my questions are rephrased when I interview different people. It is something I learn, not just to listen, but to know how to ask the right questions while still being sensitive to their and my body language. There are no step-by-step guidelines to that. A lot of times I think, damn, it is easier studying animals. I trap squirrel A and I collect biometric data. Then I trap squirrel B and do that same. Different squirrels may respond differently to physical capture but what I do is repetitive.
Hence, I do not find social science research particularly simple or straight forward. Well, studying humans or anything human-related is neither simple nor straight forward since humans are complex and complicated, filled with emotions and whatsoever. Nonetheless, it has been an enlightening path and the values I get would probably help in one way or another to deal or work with different people in conservation.
Well, I am not trying to set new year resolutions merely because a new year has just begun. It is just something that struck me while I watched this video about goal-focused life and value-focused life. So I’d say have goals in life and also value the process of achieving the goals. I guess that is what mindfulness is, or in other words, live in the moment!
Make it a habit to write every day – that is one piece of advice from my supervisor that stays in my head. Assuming that I should get the hang of it by now but I still often wonder how and what to write every day. When I first started, I was asked to submit a write-up of 2000 words on human related turtle conservation issues globally and locally. Thinking back, I struggled to write up to 2000 words because having some background knowledge on conservation issues was not enough. I had to start reading (a lot). Reading took time, plus it was a thing to read and another thing to digest what I had read and start writing. Eventually, I managed to finish the write up. Being a perfectionist, details matter to me and no matter how many times I re-read what I had written, I would still find things to correct. The correction seems to be never ending. As everyone said the first draft of anything is shit but it took me a long time to get that the first draft need not be perfect, they just need to be written.
Next came a comprehensive report of 7000 words I needed to work on, which details out what my research would be about, its theoretical framework and how I would proceed to do it. Once again, I felt the struggle. Obviously, writing didn’t come easily to me, especially in scientific writing where every point needs to be supported by one or more references. By then I was already introduced to the concept sustainable livelihoods approach. The framework appears to be straightforward to understand but the knowledge to apply it to my study was vague. My experiences showed that livelihoods and conservation are connected and I saw the importance of local people in conservation where their needs and interest should be considered but knowing that was not enough to write a report of 7000 words. Once again, I started to read papers that focus on the human dimensions in sea turtle conservation and sustainable livelihoods approach. Human dimensions itself are multi-faceted and diverse. There are many aspects to it, including socio-economic, cultural, tradition, sustainable use, political, local perceptions, local ecological knowledge, local support, behaviour, values, beliefs, legal, etc, which all provides crucial information that contribute to conservation. That 7000 words was a write up of that, plus a brief introduction on sustainable livelihoods approach. Why only briefly on the latter? I had not read or understood enough to incorporate this approach to elucidate the human-sea turtle interactions.
Having to accomplish a 7000 words seemed like a big deal to me at that time as I posted on Facebook that after spending so much time on it, I was glad that it was completed. Of course, I should have known then that PhD is all about writing and there is no end to it, probably not even after graduation. The next assignment was 14,000 words of literature review and a conceptual framework, explaining my research design and the approach I would use to answer the research questions. 14,000 words is double the word count of 7000 words. I no longer knew whether I was terrified by the amount of words I had to write or the fact that I would have to read a lot more in order to write more. Compared to the previous write ups, this one was the most challenging but also the most rewarding.
It was easier for me to read turtle related papers as I am from a science background. My research, however, is a social science research. Like many who are from a natural science background, I am familiar with hypothesis and quantitative methods and not conceptual framework and qualitative methods. I felt that the knowledge I had acquired to do research could not all be applied here. Reading journals alone were not adequate to understand the methods or concepts. I realised that I would need to read up on social science research and sustainable livelihoods approach. I started by borrowing 10 books related to social science research and it took me almost a month to read and understand about worldviews, qualitative methods, case studies, etc, and to finally decide on the methods for data collection and analysis. Despite knowing the link between livelihoods and conservation, I had to write out why a livelihood approach would be suitable and how its framework would be useful to the research. One thing about taking too long to write is it causes the mind to feel saturated. It is okay to take a break once in a while but not leaving it aside for too long.
In the end, 14000 word count was not a concern anymore, rather the content of the write up that matters. I was asked to improve it a few times and had since re-submitted a couple of times that all I felt was that I had spent enough (or way too much time) on this write up and that I was ready to move on. When a text stating “very happy with your new doc” from my supervisor arrived today, I felt relief. Of course, meantime while waiting for her reply, I had started working on analysing data for some preliminary findings. Writing and reading became a routine in my life now. The are many times when I did not want to spend time in front of the computer screen. I miss working in the field even though the work was demanding, it was fulfilling. Still, I can’t escape from writing. I might still feel the struggle in writing but I am taking every opportunity to write to improve my writing and I hope (as what most people say) it will get easier eventually with a lot of practice.